yipee

it was an awesome night. cafe lalibela is awesome, and i feel i did a good deed since i gave the girl a big tip. i can't even describe it, because it'll sound cheezy and stupid. so, lets just say the night was perfect in every way. it's only crappy because now i have to work. yeah work.

so, that doesn't seem like so long

and it isn't. it's just one period of time in a lifetime of periods of time. i only conceed to this time period because my own death lies on the horizon, harshy criticizing and judging every move. but it can't judge this move, because it's beyond reproach. so, today is a day where nothing will hurt me or get to me because, while all other things might just be as unstable as possible, i have stable ground. what allows this stability is this thing that doesn't exist in one of us but between us both. it is an entity that is not under the control of either of us; if it were our imperfections and misunderstandings might cause it to break or be injured. no. this is beyond our ability to hurt or control. we maintain it but do not manipulate. it chose us and now we are in it for the long run. this is not a note of resignation, but of thanks. i give thanks that we could both be at a time in our lives where we could find this gift as well as accept it. we have worked to have this and now we benefit from our pains, problems, mistakes and sufferings. so, yes, we celebrate that moment that we were able to accept this gift, but such chance is engaged upon the proposal of that celebration fo time.time moves my vision of the world; makes me forget wrongs and rights that have been done to me. time makes me forget who my enemies are and even moreso my friends that allowed my survival. time is fickle, and while it is upposed to be steadfast, its existance implies an inevitable end to everything. tonight i celebrate something outside of anything's ability to manipulate it (including time and you and me and death and health...). so, have a great day today knowing that something exists that doesn't bother to concieve of what day it actually is.

i love the ghetto that is my work

on the way there there was a new billboard where a woman IS beer. they have the girl and she is lying down and they imposed a bottle of brew over her. her bikini is the pattern of the label and here hair is bubbly...what the fuck.going to see a house today. wish me luck. another nothing conversation with my dad where nothing was established and no new rules were set as to how we can and can not hurt one another. going to get some business done later today. i'm being lazy when it comes to taking repsonsibility for myself just because no one else i know is really in this position. i know it's not fair. but it's the best way to do things. in the past whenever i work my ass off and one person contributes one penny or one ounce of energy in my direction they decide that they are the be all and end all of my existance. they then later use that as an excuse to use me for a doormat. look, i don't need them, or their emotional garbage. it's not worth 10000 dollars to have them wreck my spirit repeatedly....i can get along without them...

this morning i woke up

hopefully it's not one of those mornings where the first couple of hours are a microchasm of my entire day, or i might be in trouble. i wake up and 5 minutes later i'm in the fetal position. my stomach again. it's weird because it was the pain that leads to physical illness, only it did eventually go away after about 20 minutes. but this morning i got a subtle reminder of why i hate truckers"hey ladies! be a flirt and raise that shirt and flash me, thank you"i was listening to a happy tune about chinchillas at the time and found myself screaming the lyrics with prejudice....WITH PREJUDICE (and i love chinchillas a great deal). I tried to speed up thinking i would flip him off instead, but there was a slow car in front and my exit was coming up. argh. so i flipped him off from afar. sigh.i think i've decided something too. i need to get out of this town this summer. it's time for me to kick ass and take names and make enough money to get out of here this summer, even if it is for a concert i would never go to in my actual life. it'll be fun. i like fun....