i don't know how i feel right now

this morning on my drive to work i got this rabid feeling of self-righteousness. i was more or less thinking about work, the 'situation' there, and my dad, and kind of my mom (though the trip to see her made me feel better). who are these people? why have i become the nexus of their fucked up little universes. i remember my grandma telling me that i am the be all and end all of his world. i don't WANT TO BE. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. i haven't been able to get through to him in 2 days. i must be horribly naive. right now, i can only imagine where he is and what he's doing...or recovering from. but i'll finally get in touch with him and everything will seem so fine; i'll wonder why i was suspicious at all. what the hell is wrong with me? i must be the most ignorant person on earth. i have lived with addicts all my life and i still can't see that any of them are lying. i don't understand my ignorance any more than i understand their addictions. i should sue every woman that he's been with and steal everything they own. i should call every hotel or motel in the mesa area and tell them all about me, working my ass off right now, alone. maybe then they'd kick him out. i'd just be making someone else accountable for him. something needs to happen. should i take drastic actions? he needs to know he's not fooling anyone, but everytime i tell him he makes me feel foolish. fuck it.